This little list needs your help

This is a little experiment.

To see if a list can be compiled of everything that can go wrong.

Not the big things necessarily, but the little ones. Each and every project, of whatever kind is beset with danger. At every corner the number of obstacles increase exponentially. The closer success seems to be, the greater the dangers. Never can we rest in peace, not knowing all the potential dangers. Only when they have all been cataloged, discussed and written out in full. Possibly in long hand even. Then and only then can men and women the world over leave their bedrooms in safety, nay there beds even.

No government is going to do this for us, not health agency. Long ago, on this very Internet did the finest news source report that such a project was under way. Near completion even. But many moons have passed and no complete list of EVERYTHING THAT CAN GO WRONG has been published.

I, we cannot continue to live without such a guide, lighting our way in the dark. Between chairs and down stairs. Avoiding stubbed toes and spiders webs. But these are just some of the things that could go wrong, there are so so many more.

Alone, no person could catalog them all, but perhaps together we can forge such a list, and bind it helpless in its completeness, in the dark. Rendering the dangers that beset us all, harmless.


Onward with the list.

EVERYTHING THAT CAN GO WRONG

1. Murphy's law is wrong, you plan for the worst and things go right
2. The walls are beset with rot, damp plagues the bathroom and those rodents are actually the real owners
3. Your horoscope is true. Now is time for change, small small change
4. The glass does not shatter as it hits the ground, but instead bounces as you bend over to catch it and gives you a black eye on the way back up, then falling slowly and shattering into a million little pieces
5. James Fey writes his next completely fictional non fiction novel about that time in Mexico you both had. What a good time it was
   
6. Jennifer Lopez hears about your sculpture to her fine form, it is seized as counterfeit brand synergy. Also your girlfriend leaves you
   
7. The toast burns
   
8. No one reads this or any other blog again, not because its mostly a waste of time, but becuase the pipes in the internet get clogged with corn of wheat.
9. Scientology is true
   
10. There is no milk Cereal already in bowl, spoon in hand :(
    
11. Lol Cats was made by cats to further their evil ploy to rule the world
12. You cannot have another cheeseburger ever again
13. She is your long lost love. The key being long, about 9 miles long that is. Good luck cowboy
14. Dog eats homework, wolf cries etc
15. Father Christmas is real, you have just been bad every single year
16. Reverse mermaids
17. Ebola
18. Bob Geldof, Bono and Madonna merge into one charitable being, subsuming the worlds infants, ending an entire generation in seconds
    
19. Cork in wine bottle, date waiting
    
20. Gum is falvoursome for only 3 seconds
21. Bestseller does not sell
22. Horse wins race, bet is won. Debts are paid off. Fortune awaits. Not yours
23. Moon is not made of cheese, crackers are wasted
    
24. Moon made of cheese, WTF
25. Sunburn on back of neck prevents mosquite massacre
26. Door opens in other direction and glass is one way
27. Lions can climb trees, not very well. But neither can you
28. Pandas just wanted to be famous
29. Grandad was right, you cant do it. Not now not ever.
30. This list gets past 100.
31. Keys lost
32. Penny farthing joke wasted on teenager
    
33. Teenager wasted on penny farthing
34. Insomnia
35. Pizza turns against you

So far so good.

Original promise of complete list

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31050

All and any help appreciated in this venture. Please kind souls, help me and in so doing help yourself.